The 5 Love Languages
Dr. Tom Murray
Dr. Tom Murray talks about why it’s important to be able to speak your partner’s love language. Most people identify their top 2 love languages.
- Words of Affirmation-the person needs to hear, “I love you,” and receive compliments. There is a sense that words hold value. This will strengthen the bong to hear that your partner cares deeply about you.
- Quality Time-giving your partner undivided attention. Spending time together feels comforting and satisfying. Your partner may be bothered if you’re on your phone during these times
- Receiving Gifts-Receiving tokens of appreciation shows the person that their partner is thinking of them. It’s showing signs of appreciation, and it’s not so much about being materialistic
- Acts of Service-for these people, actions speak louder than words. They feel loved and cared for when their partner does things that help to make their life easier (washing the car, picking up something on the way home, doing the dishes).
- Physical Touch—this can be things like holding hands, kissing, public displays of affection, sitting close together.
- It’s possible for us to want a certain type of love language to be used with us, and we resent it at the same time
- Dr. Tom believes that it’s really helpful when a partner recognizes that the other partner may be loving them with the love language that is their partner’s preferred love language.
- If you want to figure out your partner’s love language, you can observe how they respond to other people in their relationships
- Men, culturally have a harder time acknowledging that they have needs
- Men need support in allowing themselves to receive in a way that’s meaningful to them
- When we have parents that don’t provide a rich emotional environment, many times we don’t recognize our needs since it wasn’t modeled for us
- Improv can be great for Highly Sensitive People to help them be less in their heads and more in the moment
Dr. Tom Murray, international trainer, educator, and couples and sex therapist, is a widely sought-after expert in the fields of sexuality and intimate relationships. For 15+ years, Murray has worked with everyday folks to embrace their weirdness, shed labels and shame, lean into anxiety, and build better and stronger relationships. Murray’s appeared in numerous venues, including the Huffington Post and The Daily Mail, as well as radio, television and podcasts, including the Practice of Being Seen and Shrink Rap Radio. Murray directs a group practice in Greensboro, NC and holds a faculty appointment at Northwestern University’s Family Institute.