This emotion is perfect for this moment
Lauren Selfridge, AFMT
Lauren is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist in San Francisco, California. She works with couples, individuals and people living with chronic illness. Lauren was diagnosed with Relapsing Multiple Sclerosis in 2015, and has found that although living with an autoimmune disease is not an easy path, it’s brought more joy and fulfillment into her life than before. This January she launched the podcast “This Is Not What I Ordered;” a weekly interview show about full-hearted living with chronic illness and health challenges. She believes that the biggest difficulties in our lives are often invitations into a deeper, richer ore conscious relationship with ourselves.
In our conversation, Lauren talks about the power of mirroring in relationships, and how it positively impacts her work as an interviewer and a therapist—Mirroring is reflecting back what the other person shared in order to improve communication. Lauren beautifully describes how she intentionally feels into emotions before and during sessions/interviews as a way to be an even more effective practitioner/interviewer. We also talk about friendships, and Lauren talks about specific exercises and tools that can be used with a partner or friend to get closer and learn more about each other.
Imago Couple’s dialogue
- Sender (no blaming, shaming or criticizing)
- Receiver mirrors word for word (provides summary and validating)
- Validation—why it makes sense based on who the sender is (not based on the receiver)
Two styles of conflict
- Both partners are needed to maintain the ecosystem (the balance in the relationship)
Reflections to do weekly with your partner
- Something you did to support our relationship this week
- What was it like when you did that?
- Something I did this week to support the relationship
- How it was helpful to me
- If I could have a do-over this week, this is what I would do differently
- “This emotion is perfect for this moment.”
- “My goal is to feel everything that arises in me.”
- “Feelings are superpowers.”
- Another name for HSP: “A person who gets the texture of life.”
Twitter: @NWIOpodcast and @HelloSelfridge
Instagram: @NWIOpodcast @LaurenSelfridgeOfficial
Show hashtag: #NWIOpodcast